I didn't shave. On purpose
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
