Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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