I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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