I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
