I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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