so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
