living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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