I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
