You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
