She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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