Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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