So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
