I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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