he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
