If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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