those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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