My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Boobs are out for the taking
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
