Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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