i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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