I'm going to jail i love you
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
