this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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