batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
