Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
