brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
