Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
