Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
