I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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