brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
