I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize