If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
