I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
