shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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