i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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