Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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