Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
