it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
