Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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