she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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