Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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