She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
