When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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