I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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