For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
