Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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