My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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