i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
