We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
