apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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