did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
