I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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