Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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