i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
