So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
