Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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