...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
