Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
