Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
