you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
