just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
