The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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