Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
