i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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