you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
