K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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