my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
