my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
