you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
