if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
