DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
