he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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