Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Randomize
