threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
