Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize