I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
