o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
