Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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