my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
