I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
