Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
