Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
